Things that Clemson & Carolina Fans Should Never Say: 2013-14 Edition

Last year, I hacked out an article about the ridiculous things that Clemson-South Carolina fans say to one another. It was an easy one to write, because no one does ridiculous quite like the fans in the state of South Carolina.

As I scanned the Facebook page following this year's game and into the bowl season, it seemed there would be plenty of material for another article. But judging from the kind of things that fans, who were apparently friends at some point, said to one another, I decided to let the vitriol fade a little.

Well, it hasn't. The talk is still strong and the insanity reigns. In what promises to be an annual event, here is your 2013-14 edition of the evidence that both fan bases need to get the tint out of their glasses. Here are some things that Gamecock and Tiger fans need to stop saying. Now.


1.  We killed y'all in the stats! Really? That's where you're going? It stunned me that some Clemson fans were actually saying this after the latest South Carolina victory.

You know who talks about their team's great stats? The fans of the team that lost.


2.  5. Okay, Gamecock falls, fold up your five little digits and put your hand back in your pocket. Yes, you've won five in a row, but let's keep a little perspective in mind, shall we? Clemson has streaks of three or more wins 11 times in this series, including a series record of 7 straight (which included 6 by double digits and 4 shutouts). You trail in the overall series by 23 games (65-42-4).

You're not dominating the rivalry, because you just now made it a rivalry.



3. 65-42-4. Yes, yes, Clemson has dominated this "rivalry" for decades. You are miles ahead in the win total.

But sorry, it's a what-have-you-done-for-me-lately world, an instant gratification society. Twitter isn't interested in the winning streak of 1934-40. You've had your fanny delivered to you five straight years by more than double-digits.

And until that changes, Gamecock fans will have reason to crow.



4. We're the state champions! Um...so what?

It's nice to be able to "stick it" to your rivals; but you know what you and the Head Ball Coach really want. You want--you need--that SEC title to validate all that you've accomplished since the HBC arrived. And you know that's what HE really wants to solidify that oh-so-annoying legacy. Well, annoying to half the state of South Carolina and the entire SEC, anyway.

After all, neither one of you even won your CONFERENCE in 2013...

5. We're the first team in the state to win a BCS game! Well, congratulations! You won a game in a horribly flawed (if not corrupt) system that is officially--and mercifully--headed to the trash heap. And as arrogant and annoying as it is, Gamecock fans are correct:  You are getting these chances because you're in the ACC, not the SEC. And because Duke can't muster enough fans to fill up the Orange Bowl.

You won the Orange Bowl against Ohio State and a coach that is almost as arrogant and annoying, if not as chatty, as Steve Spurrier. (And Urban "the II" Meyer has physically threatened a reporter...not sure if he got him "reassigned"). That's more than good enough.


6. ___________________ has no class! This one is just too easy.

You know that Spurrier doesn't coach anymore, don't you? He just sits in his office thinking up ways to jab Dabo and the Clemson fan base.

And then he calls up Dabo, who we know is not really coaching, and tells him what he's going to say. That gives Dabo just enough time to come up with a comeback. Or at least enough time to find someone who can think up a good comeback.

The problem is that we, as fans, take this all too seriously. And we get mad and re-tweet and paste it all over Facebook to express our outrage.

Maybe "classy" is not the right term for this situation...

There is absolutely nothing more boring to listen to than coaches talking before, during or after a football game. We scream for honesty; then, when we get it in the form of some cheap shots between coaches, we get mad and accuse coaches of having "No Class!!!"

People, this is great. We are blessed to have coaches who will at least say something interesting, sprinkled with at least a hint of what they truly think. And both coaches know exactly what they're doing when they say it.

All it does is work the fans into a frenzy, and both of these coaches are working it for all it's worth. Stop letting it drive you crazy and learn to revel in it.

Actually, forget that last statement. Keep it up, Gamecock and Tiger fanatics. It ensures that I'll have at least one entertaining blog to start each new year.

Let's Have Some Fun with Clemson-Georgia

Well, PRAISE THE LORD! We're less than 72 hours away from the Clemson-Georgia season opener, so pretty soon we can FINALLY quit talking about it.

The Georgia-Florida game used to be called "The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party" . This weekend's game at Clemson's Death Valley could be called "The World's Largest Gathering of Delusional Fan bases".

Yes, it's time once again for each team to embark on their annual journey towards the National Championship that each fan base believes that they are destined--or entitled--to have. This could actually be THE year that it happens. Of course, each fan base has been saying that for more than 30 years.

In an oddity of college football, these two schools that used to play annually and are less than 80 miles apart won the National Championship in consecutive years of 1980 and '81. In less of an oddity, each group of fans has clamored for that second banner in less than gracious ways.

I like to call it "8081 Syndrome", and it causes the fans to think their team is better than they really are and that winning another title should just naturally come around again. After all, we won one, so the second one should be easy...right? Not to mention that Georgia fans suffer from the "Walker Effect", or the perpetual mirage that Herschels grow on trees.

Walk around Athens and you'll get a healthy dose of the "If we still had Herschel Walker" to go with your grits at the Waffle House. It's so bad that they've offered the name "Gurshall" to current star running backs Todd Gurley and Keith Marshall. It's pretty sickening, so much so that even the running back tandem is pretty sick of it. So are the rest of us, since we realize that Walker left Athens in 1983.

(Just a hint guys: Wearing numbers "3" and "4" respectively isn't helping the situation).

Clemson fans are a little different. First of all, you can stump most of them on a test by asking them to name anyone or anything that ever came off the Clemson campus who is not affiliated with the football team (and no, John C. Calhoun doesn't count). Many Clemson fans can't even find the campus beyond the stadium.

They don't carry on about the players from '81--Homer Jordan or Perry Tuttle or The 'Fridge or Jeff Davis--in quite the same way. But the "Back when Danny Ford was here" contingent is alive and well in Pickens County. I've been to a restaurant in Clemson that features all kinds of photos and memorabilia about Clemson football--but nothing after Danny Ford's last year in 1989.

So here we are again, with these fan bases frothing at the mouth with dreams that this will finally be THE year that they get that second title. What better way to start that path than with a game that could potentially eliminate one of them from contention?

Every year, following their appearance in the Who Cares Bowl, Georgia fans start telling us about next year.  We get to hear about how it will be THE year that UGA wins it all again, because the Dawgs have unlimited talent and potential. Of course, those fans speak with their fingers crossed, as they hope that Mark Richt will actually stay awake for an entire game, Mike Bobo won't forget that his running backs are studs (Herschel or not), and that whatever defensive coordinator Richt has chosen for this year will finally teach a defense how to stop the run.

The orange-overalled crew from just to the north is a little more realistic, but that's what will happen after you suffer through years of Tommy West and Bobby Bowden. Now, Dabo Swinney cheerleads on the sidelines until the fans actually start to buy it. He even has some Clemson fans believing that the ACC can compete with the SEC! (Of COURSE they can, but basketball doesn't start until November).

I'm not sure why it matters, since the Tigers can barely manage to win their division in the ACC, much less an ACC title. So how are they possibly going to compete with the SEC at all? Tweet that!

Georgia has an all-time series lead of 41-17-4, which really grinds the gears of the Clemson fan base (most of whom cannot find a single building on the campus other than the football stadium).

But that's okay. If you want to have some fun with Georgia fans, remind them that Herschel never got into the end zone in Death Valley, except when he was leaving the field at the end of the game. Yes, Georgia fans just LOVE that one!

Maybe, just maybe, this is the year that one of these teams will break through and get another shot at the title. They'll have to do it a little different than usual. The average score of UGA-Clemson is 19-12, and I suspect that may be a low-end score by the end of the first quarter. For all the talk of improved defenses, I don't see either defense doing much to stop the other team's high-powered offense.

When all the dust and blood and sweat and spit cups and tobacco juice have cleared, one fan base will have hope. We'll just have to spend the next 364 days hearing from the other about "next year" and how it's all going to be different.

Don't worry, youngsters! By Saturday morning, one of you can enjoy the rest of the season, because you won't have to worry about all that annoying "undefeated national champions" stuff anymore. Besides, one or both of you will probably lose--again--to South Carolina anyway.

Note to all my Clemson and Georgia buddies:  Don't be offended! It's a joke, and I "say" all of this with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek. For the most part, anyway.

Another Big 10 (plus 2) Farce Cuts Out the FCS

Well, praise the Lord for Barry Alvarez!

The Citadel and Furman and Wofford can all fall prostrate before him and shout in adoration, "We're not worthy! We're not worthy!" Because that's exactly what Alvarez thinks of FCS opponents for his Conference of the 1%, otherwise known as the Big 10. He and his fellows athletic directors have declared that they will no longer play FCS opponents.

We'll ignore the fact that the ADs were playing video of the AppSt/Michigan game while they made this decision. Barry has saved us from the embarrassment of watching our little guys from around South Carolina from having to play the "mighty" Big 10 teams.

Thank you, Big 10, for solving a problem that wasn't a problem. Unfortunately, it could become a big problem FCS schools just trying to make budget, particularly FCS schools that are near and dear to the Palmetto State.

Small schools have been playing "money ball" against big schools for decades. The objective is a nice, fat paycheck. Mix in the occasional upset and it's not a terrible system.

Yet, writers and pundits are suddenly concerned that someone is going to get "hurt" in one of these games. I don't know of a single instance of an FCS player losing a limb or severing an artery just because their opponent had Buckeyes on the back of the helmet.

I've argued on the air on ESPN Spartanburg about these FCS schools "prostituting" themselves in this way, and I still don't get it. It gives these smaller schools a chance to play in a setting and on a level of which they normally just dream. It offers them an opportunity to play David in the Goliath passion play and see if their best may just be good enough against a big-time program.

Here's the thing:  Some fans and bloggers believe this will mean better regular-season match-ups for Big 10 schools. I dare you to check in two years for the replacement schools for these FCS games. You won't be seeing Texas or 'Bama or Southern Cal. But I'm betting you'll see a lot of Marshall and Toledo and Middle Tennessee State.

They may be FBS (artist formerly known as Division I), but does anyone think MAC Conference USA teams are that much better than Wofford or The Citadel or Furman?

There is legitimate concern around the Southern Conference that other conferences may follow suit, although this is not set in stone. Southeastern Conference schools have plenty of tough games in their own league, and certainly don't need to ramp up the schedule. Unlike the Big 10, they play real football. The ACC might be more likely, especially since they've been embarrassed more than once against the FCS. But that could create some scheduling nightmares and end some long-standing connections.

Besides, the SEC seems content with their "SoCon Challenge" each year. Here at home, both Clemson coach Dabo Swinney and South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier support the idea of continuing to play "home grown" FCS opponents. Death Valley was full last season for Clemson-Furman, so this seems like a positive arrangement (although Spurrier might prefer to leave off the option teams in the future).

Still, it could all change very quickly. There is even some rumblings that the NCAA may try to ban games between FCS and FBS. (And we all know that things can only get better when the NCAA gets involved).

No matter what some people are saying, this really isn't about these schools "prostituting" themselves or safety or fair competition or better games for season ticket holders. This is, as always, about one thing:  Money.

The Big 10 believes that it would be more profitable for them to leave FCS opponents off the schedule, and they may well be right (particularly if they have another Mountaineer Fiasco on their hands). But this is also about an ongoing desire of the BCS-level conferences to keep their money and not share it with anyone, least of all FCS.

And that's okay. FCS will be fine and continue to play a more pure brand of football that is designed for the last remaining bastion of true student-athletes in the nation. It would just be nice if people like Alvarez and his Big 10 brethren would drop the charade and just speak the truth. They may not know how many teams they have in their conference, but they know that they want every one of their schools to keep every dollar available.

That's fine. At least our FCS teams know how to count. We'd rather play real football teams in the SEC anyway.

Things that Clemson/Carolina Fans Should Not Be Saying

Apparently, the morning after doesn't bring any more sanity. Especially for Clemson and Carolina fans.

Even on January 2, Tigers and Gamecocks have a hard time getting along and can't bring themselves to give one another any credit. It is stunning that fans from both teams are still saying things that should never be said.

Everyone just stop for a second and think before you speak. I know, that's tough for Clemson and Carolina fans, but give it a try. And think for a few minutes about why the following things--which have been said--should never be said.


1. ESPN just hates Clemson, because all they can talk about is Clowney!
We live in a whatever-just-happened sports culture. Clowney is the last best thing, and it happened after Clemson beat LSU. That's why ESPN is talking about Jadeveon Clowney instead of Tajh Boyd. Oh, and the fact that Clowney may have offered the play of the year (and one for all-time) on the first day of 2013. And no, that's not an exaggeration.

2. Well, LSU just didn't care about the Chic-Fil-A Bowl! That's why Clemson won!
You're right, LSU didn't care nearly as much about that bowl game as Clemson did. And that's the SEC's problem. Their excessive arrogance is a huge weakness in the postseason, and Clemson exploited it to perfection.

Let's give credit where it is clearly due:  Clemson dominated almost every facet of the game against LSU. If they did it because the other Tigers thought they were too good to be there, then shame on them.

3. Clemson beat LSU and LSU beat Carolina, and that proves Clemson is really better than Carolina!
Oh please. You took a beating by Carolina for the four straight seasons. Play the way you did against LSU and maybe that streak will end. Otherwise, let it go.

4. Clemson couldn't do it against the SEC every week!
Nope, probably not. But Carolina can't do it against the SEC every week either. That little three-game stretch in late September/early October proved it. Keep in mind that no one went unscathed in the SEC this year.

Clemson has recruited SEC-level talent and they have SEC-level coordinators. They wouldn't be SEC champs, but they're certainly more SEC than ACC in football.

5. The SEC is overrated, and Clemson proved it!
To some degree, this is true. But it still shouldn't be said, and here's why:

The SEC isn't as good as everybody thinks it is; but the ACC is clearly as bad as everyone thinks it is. Clemson's win or not, the ACC is an awful football conference and has no reason to knock any other conference. And no, Louisville and Notre Dame do not count (yet).


So let's all do what rivals typically refuse to do. Take a step back and give credit where credit is due. And it is due in both Columbia and Pickens County.

While we're at it, we can enjoy being the only state with two 11-win teams who should both be in the top 10 in the final poll this season.

Appalachian, GaSo Better Look Before They Leap

And so we have entered the latest round of "Pop Goes the Weasel" in college football.

The Big 12 is chasing the ACC.  Florida State is chasing the Big 12.  Clemson is hiding in the bushes waiting to see what Florida State does.  The Big East is chasing anyone with a football team.  The SEC and Big 12 are racing for football dominance, and perhaps forming a not-so-secret secret alliance to get it.

It's getting to be a Pepe Le Pew cartoon, only we're pretty sure that there are multiple skunks and very few innocent cats who had unfortunate encounters with white paint.  Maybe the cat is Notre Dame, being chased by everyone while trying to maintain its chastity as an independent and feigning the illusion that they are above all this money-grubbing and back-stabbing.

They're also pretending to be relevant enough to be above this feeding frenzy, but that's a different column.

The real losers in all of this are going to be the likes of Marshall, Middle Tennessee, Troy, BYU, and others in the "mid-major" category that unofficially exists in college football.  And if they're not careful, Appalachian State and Georgia Southern will be losers as well.

The Mountaineers and Eagles are in the "No Man's Land" of college football.  They're too big to be in FCS (the artist formerly known as 1-AA).  They have dominated that division, and they really can't continue to "grow" their athletic programs if they stay put.  Appalachian fans have already begun to develop a bit of apathy towards the division.  How can you help that after you beat Michigan in the big house?

At the same time, they have to make a huge financial investment to risk moving up with the "big boys" in FBS (1-A).  While they may reap huge financial benefits, they will be relegated to Tuesday night games on ESPNU and no realistic hope of winning a national title.

All indications are that AppSt and GaSo are movin' on up.  But it is a difficult decision to make.

Now, the decision is becoming even more difficult.  At some time in the future, we are going to see a "Big 64" in college football.  Or perhaps 65, if the imaginary pole cat that is Notre Dame keeps getting away.

When that happens, the Gravy Train to the MAC, Conference USA, etc. will come to an end.  The true title contenders will swallow up the pie that is now cut for those schools.  There will still be money, but it won't be nearly the "cash cow" of the past.

Will the money be big enough to make the move worth it?  Is it reasonable to expect fans to come out for that big trip to Detroit or Shrevport in late December?  Or will the NCAA actually create a three-tier championship that will give teams like the Mountaineers and Eagles a chance to win a title?

Either way, these are huge and uncertain risks for any school considering a jump up to FBS.  I do not envy at all the administrations at Appalachian or Georgia Southern as they consider all this.  What was once a "no brainer" from a financial standpoint now seems as uncertain as ever.

If these two teams leave the Southern Conference, it will create a brief sigh of relief for Furman, Wofford, etc.  Their departure would give permanent FCS members in the SoCon a more realistic shot at a conference title.  But it would also weaken the conference overall and may actually hurt the Conference's chances to win a National Championship.

A lot hinges on what Appalachian and Georgia Southern decide to do.  Most of all, the future of their athletic departments and all things tied to them are at stake.  Before they join the race around the Mulberry Bush, they better thing long and hard about whether or not it's worth the chase for the big bags of cash.  Because those bags may not actually be there.

No, I wouldn't want to be at the top of any athletic department faced with making this decision in the current college football climate.  It will be a shame if Appalachian State and Georgia Southern join the chase, only to realize that what they caught really was a skunk.